As of Wednesday, my sperm vials are all officially at the sperm donor clinic in Toronto.
Buying sperm reminds me of how there is always that one product at Christmas that everyone wants to buy. People fight over it, go to the store to buy it, even try to buy it online and it eventually sells out. Who knew sperm was one hot commodity? I can’t believe I am comparing sperm to a Christmas toy that everyone wants. What is happening to me?
Maybe sperm donors should be paid in Canada. They are paid in the United States but are not paid in different countries around the world. I was lucky to have a bit of choice because some women from other countries have mentioned on Instagram that they have had 1-3 choices. THREE. Luckily I had about ten options and that was after I refined the search (Open ID Donor, CMV negative, etc).
So now I am just waiting. I have one vial of sperm at the Mount Sinai Fertility Clinic and I have two vials waiting for their “shipping dates” from the sperm donor clinic in Toronto to Mount Sinai (where I get the procedure).
I am just waiting for day 1 of my cycle and will call into Mount Sinai. Fingers crossed that they have funding. If so, I have to wait until day 15 or something to have my IUI (sperm placed inside my uterus). After that, I will wait two weeks to find out if I am pregnant. PREGNANT. Gosh, that word feels great to write.
If everything goes according to plan, I’m going to try three IUI’s total (one in May, June, and July.)
Stats show that only 20-25% of women get pregnant from their first IUI. Fertility stats are absolutely terrifying me right now. In having an Instagram account, I have become part of this amazing group of people who write about their fertility experiences. I see the numbers. I see that so many of them struggle so much. Perhaps I am just protecting my heart and preparing myself for the worst but hoping for the best.
My social worker and my fertility doctor both say that three is the lucky number and that many women get pregnant on their third try with IUI.
So even though I may get pregnant on try one or two, I have paid $2,490.00 for all three vials. At Can-Am Cryservices they will buy back sperm but I ended up choosing Repromed because they had a vial in stock of my donor and knew they could get the other two vials quickly).
So it is now all up to the universe.
I am also trying to understand what is making me so emotional these days (and I am an emotional person to begin with). I don’t know if it is stress or excitement (maybe both) but I can cry at a random song playing, a child walking down the street, and/or a baby that I see in his mother’s arms. The bottom line is that I am a mess and I am not even on fertility drugs yet.
Friends around me keep getting pregnant and it is making me more and more excited. Maybe I will be off on maternity leave with them. Time will tell.
I also don’t know if I will be emotionally prepared to have all of my IUI’s in a row. It seems like it may be a lot to find out that I didn’t get pregnant and I may have to lean on some of my amazing friends and family (with some wine and ice-cream) when/if this happens. This may start to be too much and I may need a break.
Overall, I’m also so freakin excited.
I could know by the end of summer if I am able to get pregnant through IUI. Can you even imagine?
No matter what happens though, this experience has been a blessing. It’s helped me to connect to people I haven’t talked to in a while who have reached out when they saw my facebook status saying that I was trying to have a baby on my own and starting a blog. It’s honestly been like a public school/high school reunion complete with both my peers and the teachers that I have adored.
It’s also been a University reunion as so many kind friends have reached out with stories of their own supporting me in every way possible.
Friends and family have also been there for me so much and have provided so much encouragement. They ask thoughtful questions and also say the most beautiful things.
There have also been people who have said some hurtful things but it keeps making me stronger. I have to thank them because each time I hear something negative, it only makes me want to pursue this more and only makes me better able to handle negativity in my life.
I just feel really lucky.
I feel blessed because of science (lucky that this is even an option).
I feel blessed that I am lucky enough to be able to afford the fertility fees.
I feel blessed that I am becoming emotionally stronger every day.
Thank you for reading this and for being there for me. Even reading this shows that you support me and this decision. I REALLY hope I have some exciting news to share with you really soon.