This week has been an absolute blur in the craziest, most emotional and beautiful way.
Tuesday April 23rd 7:00 a.m.
I called Mount Sinai Fertility Clinic to report that it was my day one of my cycle. From there, a nurse called me back and asked me to come in on day nine of my cycle for blood work. The time? 7:00 a.m. What in the actual hell?
Wednesday May 1st at 7:00 a.m.
I was joined on the elevator by six other women all going to the same floor. That gave me some insight as to how busy the clinic would be. I’d say there were about 20-30 women all lined up and checking in to have blood work. Everything ran so efficiently and seemed a bit like a factory (in the kindest way).
Wednesday May 1st at 3:00 p.m.
A lovely nurse named Megan called me and asked me to come for blood work and an ultrasound on May 3rd.
Friday May 3rd at 10:30 a.m.
I went for blood work and then the nurse pointed me to the ultrasound room. There were four women all in hospital gowns sitting on chairs waiting to be called in to the appointment. In the dressing room there were no instructions so I didn’t know what to do.
“Can anyone tell me what to do?” I asked poking my head out of the dressing room curtain.
“Take off everything from the waist down” instructed one woman.
“Wear two hospital gowns one for the front and one for the back” suggested another woman.
“Leave your clothes in there and take some booties to put over your feet so your feet don’t get wet” said the third woman.
“Next time, wear a dress so that you only have to wear the gown one way” suggested the fourth woman.
“Thank you so much” I said. “This is my first ultrasound here and I had no idea what to expect.”
“They don’t always give you instructions” said a woman.
“But we are here to help and you have got this” said another one.
This moment was one that I will remember forever – the room was silent before I entered and then every single woman wanted to help me out. We are really in this together and everyone was there for one another. Who runs the world? Girls. Women.
The waiting was excruciating and finally the nurse called my name. She then led me down a hallway where I had to wait with three of the women I had seen earlier.
“Oh my gosh” I said. “There is another line”?
“You can use the washroom right here” said the nurse.
“It’s okay, I don’t have to go” I said as I sat down.
One of the kind women who were with me from the start, looked at me and said “she is actually telling you that you have to empty your bladder. It’s not really a choice.”
I started to laugh and thanked the two women for having my back.
When it was my turn, my fertility doctor, Dr. Jones was there with two nurses. They were so sweet and within two minutes my ultrasound was done.
“Wow. Look at that beautiful left follicle” said one of the nurses.
“Thank you so much” I said to the nurse unsure what in the hell this meant. At this point, I was ready and willing to take any compliments – even compliments that I didn’t understand.
From there, I was told to get changed and wait for the nurse to give me further instructions. It was now 9:30 a.m. and the nurse came to get me to discuss next steps. She talked about peeing on a stick to see if there is a “surge” and gave me a pamphlet.
“These strips cost $40.00 and if I were you, I’d wait until 5:00 p.m. to buy them. I have a feeling you won’t need them” said the nurse.
Friday May 3rd at 12:00 p.m.
Nurse Megan calls me and tells me that I am ovulating and that it is time for my IUI. She tells me that my appointment is for Saturday at 10:45 a.m. and asks me to come back to the clinic to sign some forms.
Friday May 3rd at 1:00 p.m.
I meet with Megan and she has me sign consent forms so that they can begin the procedure tomorrow. She also suggests that I enjoy a nice meal with a big glass of wine. She says that it may be my last glass of wine for a bit.
Friday May 3rd at 1:15 p.m. – Saturday May 4th at 10:30
Worry about everything.
Can I do this?
Should I do my IUI on my own?
Am I ready to be a Mom?
This may not work so don’t get your hopes up.
Do I tell people? Yes. I need the extra support.
Saturday May 4th at 10:45 a.m.
When I arrive at the clinic it was empty – it felt so peaceful and still.
Then the administrative assistant came in and had me sign some forms. From there, I was charged $500 but they said I avoided the extra $750.00 fee because of the funding that Mount Sinai had received (thank you Jesus!)
A woman who had a procedure (not sure which one) came out with her husband and she sat on a chair. She looked like she was in a lot of pain and then I started to panic.
“Sarah?” called a lovely blonde nurse with an upbeat personality as she entered the waiting room.
“Yes?” I asked. There were so many emotions that I couldn’t even comprehend anything. I felt as though I didn’t even know my name at this point. One thing I did know was that I didn’t want to end up like the woman sitting on a chair after her treatment, completely in pain.
“I am Caroline” said the nurse.
When I walked into the room I expected to see an operating room full of nurses along with my fertility doctor.
Instead, it was just Caroline and me.
“I didn’t know if I should bring anyone” I said. “It felt weird to have my Mom in the room while sperm was being placed inside of me.”
“I totally get it” Caroline laughed.
Caroline sat me down and told me what to expect during the procedure. I also had to place my thumbprint on a machine so that they could tell I was the correct patient (apparently this is new). We looked over some forms and then she explained that it was time.
“Are you okay during a pap test?” Caroline asked.
“Totally” I said.
“Well I have a feeling that this will be no problem” she said.
And that is exactly what it felt like – a pap test. It was just Carolyn’s voice telling me that she was inserting different things into me and within 3-5 minutes I was done.
“That’s it?” I asked Caroline.
We both laughed.
I expected to have a panic attack, a total meltdown, etc. I didn’t even cry.
Instead, I told Caroline how much I loved her company and said that she was so kind, gentle and fun.
“Good luck Sarah” she said as she hugged me. “You are lovely.”
Before I left, I was given more forms and told that in two weeks I need to take blood tests to see if the IUI procedure has worked.
“How was it?” people texted right about my procedure. Everyone was so kind.
“Good” I wrote.
The truth is – it went way better than expected. I had honestly worked myself up so much and it was a simple procedure. Although the procedure is simple, the emotions aren’t simple at all.
I have no idea what to expect over the next two weeks but I am so freakin’ proud of myself for going through with this. I didn’t fall apart and I went in there – strong, brave, and alone.
But I didn’t feel alone and most times I don’t actually feel alone at all. I have my family, my friends, my colleagues, and the people that keep sending me messages through this blog, Facebook, and Instagram.
Thank you for being with me every step of the way. Thank you for being my village.