I’ve heard of reveal parties where the pregnant woman has found out that she is having a boy and she cries. I totally get it. I’ve always thought that if I were to have a baby I would have a girl. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the biggest girlie girl and knows I make sure to surround myself with women. Friends and family who have been to my apartment know the colour scheme – pastel pink everywhere.
But that is about to change.
During the ultrasound when the nurse said “you can tell the gender right there” to my friend M, I knew it was a boy. After the appointment, I went to Chapters (my favourite store on earth) and saw a black sweatshirt that said “little man.” In that instant, I got really excited about having a boy. Maybe having a boy wasn’t so scary after all?
On Sunday morning I was getting ready for the big reveal and didn’t know what to wear. Should I wear pink? Blue? Gender-neutral? What does one wear to their reveal party? I settled on a dress with pink and blue.
The night before the party, my sister L had informed me that she got all of the supplies for the party, but I wanted to make sure that the balloons had helium so I went to Party City and guess who I met up with?
As soon as I spotted my sister J and her husband, I went right up to them. They pretended that they didn’t see me.
“I know you see me” I said. “I am standing right here.”
“What are you two doing here?” I asked.
“What are YOU doing here?” my brother in law asked.
“Nothing is happening here” said my sister. “You know what? Why don’t we do some shopping so you don’t actually see what is going on here? Let’s go down this aisle.
As I headed down the aisle (away from the balloon station), I saw beautiful balloons celebrating a boy.
I knew they were for me.
My bro in law knew the sex of the baby because my friend M (who was at the ultrasound) told him. He was the only one who knew the sex of the baby but I was pretty sure he told his wife (my sis). Since the reveal party was family only, someone in the family needed to know the sex of the baby. Someone needed to put the stereotypical blue balloons (boy) and pink balloons (girl) in the reveal box. I knew my bro in law could care less about the sex of the baby (and had a strong poker face) so he was the perfect person to put the balloons in the box.
I looked at the boy balloons and felt a little sad. This was my official confirmation that I was having a boy and it meant that I needed to get used to the idea.
Please know that I feel absolutely blessed to be able to have a baby but a Single Mother by Choice having a baby boy made me a little anxious. Who would be the male role model? What did I know about boys/men?
Before long, my sister said that they were ready and were going to leave Party City. Then I bought pink and blue balloons and wondered if I had just wasted a bunch of money on the pink balloons since I was so sure I was having a boy.
But the blue balloons stating “it’s a boy” were still at the store.
“I’m sure that they left and are coming back for them” I thought.
Within minutes of getting together, my family was all organized for the big reveal. My brother brought the reveal box from my sister’s basement and we were ready.
My bro in law has an amazing sense of humour and I just had this small feeling that if I opened the box, something strange would be placed there. He did not disappoint. Plus, there were so many emotions in the room (I was on the verge of tears) so it allowed us to just laugh and get our emotions in order.
It turns out that they were at Party City to get yellow and green balloons to fool me. Those blue “It’s a Boy” balloons weren’t for me after all.
Could I actually be having a girl?
When I opened the box and the blue balloons floated up, I clapped. Who in the hell claps? Who knows? I wish I would have watched the faces of my family members instead.
My nephew seemed very excited and it made me excited. I thought about the close relationship that we share and how he has always come to me since he was a little boy. He’d always fall asleep in my arms and if he was crying, I could somehow get him to stop. In fact, family members started calling me “the baby whisperer” because somehow he (as well as other babies) would just fall asleep in my arms. I think it is all because babies calm me and make me so happy. I am sure they can feel that.
When thinking about the connection to my nephew I started to have more confidence in being a boy mom. Plus, messages started to come in from friends/family about the closeness that moms shared with their sons. It made me feel like maybe I could raise a boy.
So it’s been a week since the reveal and I am now really starting to show with a little pregnancy bump. Physically I am feeling horrible (still no food being kept down) but emotionally I feel quite strong. Have already started thinking about boy names and I think I may just have one figured out. It keeps growing on me but have heard from other moms that sometimes you change the name as soon as you meet the little one.
In the past, I have had complicated relationships with men.
Then I realized that my little boy might be a gift to me in ways that I had never even thought of.
Perhaps this little one was going to help me to heal and to somehow help me to develop stronger and more trusting relationships with the men around me.
One thing I do know is that I will do my absolute best to raise a little boy who is kind, empathetic, and treats everyone (especially women) very well. I promise to introduce my boy to strong male role models in my family and my community. This boy is going to be loved so much.
And here begins my life as a BOY MOM…….